Sadie's Peace Corps Musings

Long Time No Post

2008-02-25T22:12:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and everything in between! It has obviously been quite a while and I hope everyone is doing well! Quite a bit has been going on for me in Thailand and I have been enjoying it tremendously! About two months ago I made a pretty big move and decided to stop working at one of the two schools I was assigned at which to work. A friend who is the editor of a sort of "magazine" here called "Speak English" asked me to write about it. Here is that article.

It was actually the tri-annual report that cemented my decision to "drop" one of my schools. I had been thinking about it for several weeks prior to that point but counter-arguments of why I shouldn't presented themselves more frequently. The catalyst to my thought of dropping one school was simple: there was absolutely no fluidity nor progressive development of language along grade levels at either of my schools. There was nothing to speak of in terms of teacher collaboration or communication between levels: the Mathayome teacher had absolutely no idea what theBratome 4, 5, and 6 teachers would be teaching, nor she any clue of the curriculum of Bratome 1, 2, and 3. Talk about a lack of informed teacing! It just didn't make sense for me, after that point, to only work with one teacher who was limited to a small section of a student's progress in language development. I wanted to work with all teachers and attempt to unite all levels - a task that seemed incredibly daunting to tackle at two schools. There was no way I could'nt drop a school, I needed to do it; it not only sounded like the most effective thing to do but I also found myself really excited by its prospects. My ubiquious internal counter-arguments? I would feel bad. I got over the possibility of feeling bad, though, when I was painfully unable to report many successes on my tri-annuat report. On paper it was obvious that I wasn't being entirely effective (at least in that aspect) but more importantly, I felt I could be doing a much better job. I reasoned that it just didn't make much sense to protect "feeling bad" to such extremes when I knew of another method that could be more effective. I followed through with my latter thoughts and ultimately, it was by no means an easy process. And I did feel bad. Sitting face to face to tell my favorite of my two counterparts that I would no longer be working with her was a pretty painful experience but 2 months after the fact, I am happy that I did follow through. I find myself with such a deeper understanding of the school itself and my students. For me, dropping my school was a quetion of how I could be most effective. For you reader, however, I can't just give out that adivce. I know that our individualized siuations don't really allow for such simplicity. What I can tell you is this: if you are contemplating re-structuring your work siuation remember that there is no such thing as a bad or wrong decision....especially if you follow through. I've learned more than I think I would ever have had I stayed at both of my schools - a fact that has been an extremely fortunate outcome of my decision. On the otherhand, had the decision been a bust, re-treating would have been 100% acceptable.

I'm actually submitting that today without giving the rest of the story and here it is: I've been a teacher in Thailand for a year now. I have had some great success as a teacher, some as a trainer for my co-teacher, but most of my success come out of my reading club. I've discovered that, at least in Thailand, I don't make a very good teacher. It requires too much structuring off of nothing. What do I make, is a very good tutor. I am going to entirely restructure the way I work next year and very little of it will be actual teaching. I'm super super excited about it. There is still about a month or so left of school and then I will be on vacation!!! I will still have to hold some very unfortunate english camps on Bangkok order but other than that.....

The past couple of months, like I said, have been fantastic. Last month I successfully completed my first ever marathon! I was surpised and very thankful for the amount of energy I had that day. Thankful because I needed it especially for the last miles when my legs started hurting so bad I couldn't stop to take drink break because it hurt to bad to start running up again. I finished in 5 hours and 20 minutes which I'm pretty pleased about :) The picture at the top is some traditional Thai dancing during a Thai Holiday last week. The picture to the left is 3 of the best people here: Anton, Meghan, and Peter. Meghan and Peter both ran and finished the marathon as well. This is a top the largest buddah statue - well, at least that I've ever seen ;)

So, I've got about 20 spiders living with me at any point in the week. They themselves aren't much of a bother - they are kind of like the "just there" Daddy Long Legs in the States - but their webs, well, that's quite a different story. My house is made of wood and what should be innocuous, simple, dust-collecting nooks and crannies become havens for web-spinning. On any given cleaning day it takes me about 10- 15 minutes to clear all of those places of webs. The slightly scary part is getting the webs above my head. The slightly gross part is removing the webs from my broom. As a collective sum, there is enough spider-web that if I balled it all together, I could play ping-pong with it. The fascinating part is that the spiders, despite the fact that their homes are destroyed on a regular basis, keep rebuilding. The one on the top-left corner of my mirror, for example, is rebuilt everyday. I can't help but think: "stupid spiders" as I remove, for what seems like the hundredth time, his temporary home. But they need a home don't they? I realize as I'm here in Thailand, how much a place is attached to ourselves as home. Thai people ask me all too often what the difference between home and house it. The only way I see it is a house is a simple structure, even a more general term. A home is a house after all. A home is the place you love. I've always loved Colorado but good god, after Thailand, I KNOW there is no other place that I can call home. I hope you all are doing well wherever you call home! :)

2007-08-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

I remember in middle school the immature, slightly whiny response to someone's declaration of loving something: "Oh yah? Well, why don't you just marry it?" Marry carrots dipped in ranch dressing? What are you, crazy? I've gone through many different phases of thought about this adolescent exchange. When I was younger I thought it was both hilarious and utterly frustrating depending, of course, on whether I was the giver or the receiver of what was, at the time, a purely genious comment. Later in my life, circa my college years, I looked upon this comment with a sort of esteemed admiration. Many hours were spent with friends reminiscing about the great / odd American culture that we had the pleasure of growing up with: Reading Rainbow, pogs, Duck Tales, the "why don't you marry it" comment. I had an appreciation of this comment; the kind that one could only have knowing that it was great while it was there but(thank god) that phase of my life is over. Now, as I live my live in another country, I see the phrase not as hilarious, frustrating, or worthy of appreciation, but rather one that so accurately pinpoints a part of the Thai language. There is a very distinct different between the usage of the word like and love. You do not love carrots dipped in ranch dressing. You can only like it a lot. There are ways, of course, to emphasize that you really like something. For example you could say "chop mak jang lui" (I like it a lot, really!) instead of simply saying that, yes, you do "chop" something. But no, the word love is distinctly used for people. I had difficulty with this seemingly unnecessary boundary on the word. If I wanted to say that I loved eating mangoes, loved laying in my hammock, or the colors of the sunset, I found myself restricted by the language. But I see now, upon resurrection of the silly adolscent retort, that ok, saying you actully LOVE a fruit is kinda, well....silly. Is it something you would actually stand at an altar with? Well, of course not. What am I? Crazy?

Yesterday was the first in many many number of days where I had NOTHING to do, no plans. I woke up late and decided to relish in the glory of a free day by reading. As I sat down I heard my name yelled from the street outside my window. "What are you doing?" the little voice asked. How could I explain to my favorite four year old that I was enjoying my first morning of freedom in months? I couldn't. "Nothing", I replied. "I'm coming up, then", was his immediate response. As he, other village kids, and I continued on with our day I eventually pulled out my extra American money. My 51 extra bucks is quite a bit of baht (aout 2, 000) but they were only interested in the not so usefull pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters. I gave them all away and as I stowed my bills away again, the kids began playing a very simple coin throwing game. Whoever threw their coin further without going over a certain line won the coins. They asked me to play but watching them was better. I took a front row spot in my hammock, my four year old climbing in to lay with me. As we watched these kids play shoeless with their American money, it hit me that I could do this all day. I was content, happy, and I LOVED where I was. I thought about the translation in Thai and how again, it just wouldn't, just couldn't be the same. I found myself thankful for the english language; that I had the option of chosing the word love at that moment as "liking it very much" just didn't seem to suffice. A smile formed on my lips as I imagined the smaller Sadie in middle school, recieving the inevitable phrase. No, I didn't actually want to marry this situation: this collection of people, places, things, events, in my life that are bringing me such immense joy. Can't I just love it anyway? Yah, I can :)

Teacher Training

2007-08-11T01:52:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone :) I have just returned from 4 days away at a resort located about 20 kilos from home (the third resort at which I have stayed in the past 2 months...geez, life is hard). Teachers from the area gathered here to write the Provincial test...I was there as the "talking dictionary". Besides feeling slightly used, I had an absolutely fantastic time. Yes, it was absolutely beautiful, the food was great, and company was fun. The best part though was that I spent four whole days working very hard on the teacher training seminar I explained in my last blog.

Here's the deal (at least the deal from my perspective): Thailand has a problem with the school system (a big problem) and it is no secret. Pretending the school system is void of problems would be comparable to pretending the country is void of heat. I believe all levels of government know that there is a problem and as any good government should, they attempt to tackle it. Their attempt comes in many forms but two very interesting cultural forms are by holding English Camps (an attempt at teaching english to massive amounts of students at one time, gone terribly, terribly wrong. I swear this had to have started as a bad fad at some point) and Teacher Training Seminars (less ADD versions of English Camps but for teachers). I must give credit to where credit is due of course: they are trying. But (does it surprise you that there is a but? because it shouldn't) there are two problems: these camps simply aren't effective (which, understated, is a big bummer) but probably most significant: nobody is actually questioning the effectiveness.

Teachers always sing songs and play games during these seminars which is...good I suppose (though there are innate problems with this as well that I won't get into) At the last seminar that I attended the teachers were required to write a lesson plan according to a random topic and then act out the lesson plan as if they were in the classroom. I was pleased with this idea of having to actually write a lesson plan during the session but there was absolutely no evaluation of the lesson plan afterwards. In the long run it seemed more like meaningless entertainment than a fruitful activity for the teachers. 7 out of the 9 groups that performed sang a song during their lesson. Singing songs to help faciliate a lesson isn't such a bad idea. The problem though was that every single song used the exact same tune (Brother John) just with substituted words according to the topic they were teaching. I wondered how many times teachers had used that song to teach a lesson and did they acutally even understand why they were using a song or were they just simply following through on the information that songs supposedly made classes more lively? It struck me during the last session I attended that teachers are given a good amount of songs and games that they could potentially bring to their classroom but as far as the deeper meaning of the songs and the games, knowledge was limited. Knowledge seems to be limited in quite a lot more ways than that as well and thats where my ideas come in.

What I'm going to do (with the help of my fantastic superviosr) is find 10 teachers within Prachinburi (I have 4 so far) that speak english reasonably well and are more progressive in terms of teaching is concerned. I will train these 10 teachers first. They will be students through all of the sessions I have included in my tentative schedule because I feel like this is the best way for them to grasp the full intention (the best teachers are critical students). We will then work together to modify anything that needs to be modified. They will have experienced first hand what they will eventually teach themselves so they will know best the way things should be changed. They will help me come up with skits that will put into light some of the common problems teachers face in the classroom and the best way to move past the "grang jai" culture to get the teachers to be critical (the only way we can improve the teaching environment is to look at the positive AND the negative) about those skits. I will be training these teachers first but then I will be a facilitator after that. Through all of my planning I have tried to keep sustainability in mind as I am only here for two years and can no way fix Thailand's education problems. There will be follow up evaluation after the session and then I will choose several of the teachers from that seminar who will then work with me to be trainers for a second teaching seminar.

One of my favorite parts about the sessions is my inclusion of actual english classes. Every morning the teachers will break off into smaller groups to learn english. My theory behind this is two fold. First, it's really hard to teach a language if you don't speak it and as many of these teachers don't really speak English, this is intended to give them a boost. I in no way do I believe that 5 hours of learning English is going to give them all the skills they need but I hope that it will give them motivation to continue learning English on their own and that being an adult learner can be damn fun. Second, I wanted the teachers to be students. I want the teachers to actually participate in a lesson that was student centered. The government wants teachers to move to this method of teaching but teachers across Thailand are still unsure of what it means, what it looks like, and certainly how to accomplish it as a teacher. Puting these teachers in the place of students will, I hope, give them insight into the needs of a learner thusly, giving them more knowledge about how to actually teach and help their students learn English (and hopefully other subjects as well).

Yah, thats what that's about. I have put hours upon hours into this project and have an uncountable amount left...two years of hours left I supposed you could say. I am really really excited about this project and will pass on more information when it comes. For some reason hotmail wasn't working when I got online so no responses from me today...I hope everyone is well. The picture above, if it actually went through is the golf course at the resort. I slipped that one in there for my brother in an attempt to lure him here ;)

2007-07-23T02:25:00.000-07:00

So I realize that it has been a while since I have written a blog though I do not exactly apologize as I have legitmate reasons (trainings, camps). I must admit that you will have to wait longer for another reasonably intelligent blog as Harry Potter, the last installment, came out a few days ago. I wasn't able to get to a book store until yesterday which was quite a hilarious adventure. I arrived at the train station (I needed to go to the capital city of the province an hour away) hoping one would be leaving shortly. I asked the worker who told me the next train would be leaving at "bai sam mong krung" (3:30). I looked at my watch and saw that I only had an hour to wait. No problem! I thought. I'll sit in the hot Thailand sun if it means I get Harry Potter in an hour! An hour comes and goes and I wonder why the workers haven't opened the ticket booth. I keep saying bai sam mong krung in my head thinking something must be wrong. And it was. I some how thought 3 meant 2 so when I discovered that the train wasn't coming for another hour I sopped up my sweat and continued waiting. I soon loaded my excited body into the packed train (which ended up arriving at 4:00!) where I fought for one of the few spots on the train where I could actually feel the oscillating fan above. I want to insert here that through this waiting and heat I wasn't even certain whether when I got to the capital they would even have the book in english...boy, what I wouldn't do for Harry Potter :) I finally arrived at my destination and to my utter girlish pleasure they had the book in english for only 850 baht! I, with a smile that I wasn't going to hide despite all the staring eyes, ran to the ATM, withdrew a thousand baht, ran back to the book store, picked up the book, had a very awkward conversation with the cashier (he responded to my questions about whether he was going to read the book with a look like "despite this mandatory witch hat that makes me look like a fan, I'm certainly not crazy enough to read this book". Whatever. I was happy.) and then ran to the bathroom. The bathroom?? Well.....yah. I was so excited but had no one to share it with so I decided I would take pictures for you all to see so we could, strangely, and somehow vicariously, share in the pleasure of this last book. I am currently 200 or so pages in and am taking my sweet sweet time as I know, sigh, this is the last of the great books. In other news, quickly written, I am currently working on the of the biggest projects I have probably ever worked on and am so excited about it. I am going to, with the help of my supervisor, hopefully completely change the way teacher training seminars are held here in Thailand....and, fingers crossed, affect the way teachers teach as well. But I can explain more about that later but for now, I've got Harry Potter on my mind and well, its time to go :)

Blabbing

2007-07-07T01:49:00.000-07:00

I am currently writing from an internet shop in Kanchanaburi which is home to the River Kwai Bridge that was built during WWII as a way to successfully further Japan's plans to control Burma (I believe I have that part of history correct, but please write and tell me if I have misspoken). Hundreds of workers lost their lives here and there are several memorials as well as a large war cemetery. We woke up this morning (we as in all of the volunteers. We are currently in our second part of training several miles from town) and were taken to a local orphanage where we were to either plant trees, pick up trash, or cut grass with the kids. It ended up being entirely disorganized (no surprise there!) and we just walked around the school holding kids hands and playing large group games. The kids come to this boarding school for many reasons but, as a general whole, because their parents were not fit. It was very nice to see a successful organization in Thailand though it was almost shocking to see Thai children misbehave by pushing or hitting other children or, more shocking, adults. Tomorrow I believe we are going to a floating market and then hike to some waterfalls. It has been an awesome break from my home; to not have to think about translating, or how to work through the countless numbers of problems, and to see everyone again. We were sitting at a little hut across the street from the resort and a friend turned to me and said "You know, it's just like a family reunion. I come and I don't feel like I need to impress anyone, I can just be". We were told by staff that we have a very special group and I really feel that. It is quite amazing to get 56 people together and not have raging hatred and ridiculously incessant gossip (especially getting 28 girls together!) but we all like each other and though there is some gossip, everyone understands that there are no ill-feelings and it simply is the PC life - your life is theirs...there are some conflicts between personalities of course but everyone is mature enough to handle situations appropriately and we all WANT to hang out together instead of breaking off into clicks. I feel like I am just blabbing here. I've made no new discoveries but am having a great great time and tonight we will indulge in some adult beverages and dance the night away!

Amazing Mound

2007-06-25T02:58:00.000-07:00

Kao Yaai, literally translated, is "mountain large" (but you have to say it with the right tone or it could mean rice grandma or white move). I have gotten into a couple discussions about the fact that Thailand's "mountains" aren't really mountains; that they are more foothills than mountains but they refuse to budge. After a couple rounds of "chai!" "mai chai!", "chai!" "mai chai!", I succumb to this mountain fight. I go gracefully but only so because I've got an image the good ol' Rockies in my head (That's the mountain range not the baseball team Matt W. No wise-ass cracks this time!) Pi Oi (the principal at school) and I were driving back from a meeting we had in Kao Yaai and we drive past a sign that reads "Amazing Mound" (yay for ambiguity). Pi Oi and I eventually get into a discussion about what constitutes a mound. I describe it in terms of size, that in, descending order, you have a mountain, then a hill, and then a mound. We then point out things on the sides of the road that could be considered mounds. After pointing out mounds of dirt, leaves, and trash, Pi Oi puts his hand on, and then gently caresses his stomach, and informs me that: "I have mound". Talk about application huh?!

When I did my internship with the 5th grade in the States, a lot of my time was spent with the students who were left behind, the students who, will in all likelihood, continue to be left behind. The teachers discussed these students frequently and questioned what exactly to do, how exactly to help them. These conversations usually always turned into rants about having to "teach to" the National Tests coupled with tired cries of the desire to spend more time on the lessons that the students have difficulty with instead of having to rush on to the next topic to ensure coverage. It is a breath of fresh air to say that this is not something that I need to worry about as a teacher here. To clarify, the Royal Thai Government does adminiter National Tests but as the nation knows that the students will not be able to actually do the test, it is seen more as a common cold - come winter, you will inevitably have to lounge in bed with a cold but before you know it, the bug passes with no lasting harm, never having to think of it again. (As a side note, my supervisor wants to write a district test within this year. I'll let you know how that goes...) Last week, one of my lessons was an absolute bust. It was too difficult, complex, and left most students with an unfortunate case of "furred eyebrows". Some were even stricken with "gaping mouth" as well. Sigh. As I don't especially enjoy being the cause of disorder and as I am a fortunate teacher in Thailand, I re-taught the lesson and today, they understood (most of them at least. I still had to work with some students after class)! So, that being said, here's the

equation I'm working with here in Thailand:

2 schools

2 co-teachers

11 classes

350 students

Throw in some other things like lack of funding and absense of curriculum, I've got the most amazing opportunity to develop my teaching skills. And developing they are. As I teach the same lesson 11 times I have the opportunity to change and then apply what I have found to be unsuccessful...poor guinea pigs. Umm, I feel like that was an incomplete paragraph but I'm tired and ready to go home so I will go on to explaining the pictures. The first is some Bratome 5 students writing the words they learned in their notebooks. The second is a group of kids (not my students) from the second school. I was walking back to the teacher's break room after lunch and run into a group of kids jumping rope. I stopped, said a random sentence in English (they always laugh at the fact that it is so incredibly foreign), made a face, and then walked away. The kids all dropped their ropes and followed me. I quickly turned around, put up my hands like a monster, and as I walked towards them, they all ran away (laughing of course). After chasing them the length of the sidewalk, I turned around and proceeded to my intended destination. They followed me again so, again, I pretended I was a monster. This sillyness ensued for 3 more rounds until I was too hot to continue. I told them I had work to do and to go play. Of course they didn't though. As I took out my work I hear: "Kroo Sadie ka. Tam arai ka" (Teacher Sadie, what are you doing?) in a timid voice behind me. I turn around to see that three of the students (captured in the picture) that I was playing with in the front ran around the building to come watch me from the back. The next picture is of my first drink ever from a coconut. It had close to no taste but was so hot from the sun that it was almost discusting. This coconut came from the tree behind me. The last picture, da da da daaa, is of my house. Thats right. My house. This is a typical style in Thailand. The first level is open and has no rooms (though my kitchen, if you can call it that as it doesn't have a sink or fridge, freezer, or food for that matter - is on this level. I wash my dishes in the buckets you see in the bottom right hand corner). This area is oftentimes the only reprieve you get from the heat during the day. Pictures of the inside of my house to come. Oh, I almost forgot. The Harry Potter Contest has come to a close. And the winner is (drum roll please) my wonderful dad...and not wonderful because he is sending me a Harry Potter book, though that is fantastic, but wonderful because he is just a damn good man.

Procrastination and Anticipation

2007-06-17T01:58:00.000-07:00

So this is a picture I took of a sunset in Sakeo a couple months ago. This was just one captured sunset but this was my bliss every day biking back home after training. For some reason, though, the sunsets in Kabin just don't have the same passion. I really don't have much to say today; I am simply just online attempting to divert my attention away from the work I should actually be doing (I've always been a procrastinator). Let me tell you a little bit about that work though. We are currently working on family at the Bratome level (ages 8 through 11). We are still working on introductions at the Mathayome level (ages 11-15) . I was again struck with a fever which turned into a horrible sickness that I had to endure for a week and a half (and for those of you who know me, being sick again - three times in a 5 month span where in the States sick for me meant a strange sore throat that lasted 1 or 2 days every 1 to 2 years - is quite ridiculous. Pre-Thailand I questioned my human-hood. Maybe I was some sort of amazing freak of nature whose immune system was simply beyond all attack. Watching Unbreakable really put some power behind that thought...but now I know, sigh, that I am penetrable - damnit! How I so wanted to be a freak of nature!) and my co-teacher had meetings that she needed to attend. So, needless to say, we are a little behind where we should be. Regardless, I have discovered, through brilliant teaching strategy I must humbly admit ;), that the Bratome 4 students still don't know basic family vocabulary, so I am working on creating worksheets and lesson plans to help the students practice these words as well as basic sentences that introduce family members. I say "I am working" and this may cause you to slightly cock your head in a manner similar to a young puppy and wonder innocently as you stare at the glowing computer screen: "well, gosh Sadie, (or as my new European friend Jess might say: blimey) I thought that you were supposed to be doing this with your co-teacher". Yes. Yes I am though because I have had many a revelation about the condition of Thai thought processes, I have decided that lesson planning with my co-teacher is going to take longer than I thought and doing it on my own at this point in time is simply what I am going to have to do. I will spare you the analogy and thought processes that went into this (though they ARE good, so if you are curious, drop me a line letting me know that you would like to be privy to this genious discovery...and, hey, while you are at it, you might as well let me know how you are doing...come on people, if that's not a hint I don't know what is. My email address is Sadierae1@hotmail.com :) ). I feel like this is a good time to let you in on a little secret: the picture to the left was not taken by me or any of my friends...it is a picture that comes stock on every computer and as I didn't want to lose your attention and I have no pictures of my own to share because the computer won't let me upload my own, I had to resort to using that one. Have no fear, the first picture is legitimately Thailand. Anyway, back to my work. The text books that the Thai students use here are... [clears throat] horrible. I would say that they do contain a good amount of accurrate information. Thankfully, that is not the problem I have to deal with. The problem comes when you see that the text books are years beyond where the students actually are (and sadly, will most likely ever be. I hate to be so pessimistic about that but as this is still an agricultural country and most people don't feel the need to leave their birth homes or families, there isn't, or at least they feel there isn't, much need to learn the language). So, one of my long term project goals is to create a text book that is linguistically efficient and written specifically for each level or what we would call, grade. I would like there to be a teacher guide as well filled with lesson planning ideas and teaching strategies. My hope is that my co-teachers will be able to help me create it so that it can be in English and Thai. I am shooting for it's completion near the end of my service. I have many more long term goals but as they are long term goals, I set them aside and focus instead on the smaller baby steps that will facilitate the sucess of those long term goals...like helping the students to answer "How are you". Actually, this is one of my biggest frustrations and I believe my explanation of it will help give a little bit if insight into the good ol' Thai school system. Every time a new class starts the students are to stand up and say "Good morning/afternoon teacher. How are you?" The teacher is supposed to respond that he or she is good and then reciprocate the question. Regardless of the fact that they practice this everyday, several times a day, when I ask them how they are doing they stare at me blankly like I am speaking a foreign language....ha, well, what do you know! Glaringly obvious proof that rote memorization is not the best method of teaching. Wow, I started off this blog by saying that I didn't have much to say. Well lucky you :)

Ok, I feel like I have written a sufficient amount of information for the time being about my work so I will move on to other, more thrilling news...Harry Potter and the world of books. I feel like I probably lost some readers at the mention of Harry Potter but I don't care; I'm in love. As some of you know, the next movie AND the next (and sadly last) book are coming out next month. Fortunately, I will be in the discusting city of Bangkok (returning from a two week training session - part two - with my fellow volunteers in the not so discusting province of...damn, I've forgotten but there are waterfalls, forests and rivers galore, and air conditioning) so indulging in two hours (maybe three as book 5 is one of the longest books!!) of Harry Potter is most definitely on my list of things to do within the next month. Oh, as another side tangent, (boy, digression has become quite the frequent demon) movie theatres are very similar to American movie theatres. The only difference, besides the lack of english of course, is that before the movie starts, all present people are to stand up and praise their king. There is a short silent movie that shows images of the king as he is working with the people and, if I remember correctly, the king's song is playing as the background music. The current king is in his 61st year of reign and is 80 years old. People are very concerned about his health and I fear his death while I am here. It will devastate the country. In all respect of course, back to Harry Potter. I need, however, some help getting the book. I don't think I would have a problem finding the book in English in Bangkok though the cost of new books in general here in addition to travel costs would make it quite expensive. I implore you, I feel like the guinea pig dog when Pavlov rang his bell; I hear July and my mouth, and that little (and by little I mean large) place in my heart saved specially for Harry Potter, waters with anticipation. I love Harry Potter, yes, but I would hate to be burdended with the weight of 10 Harry Potter books in 2 years...so, in the spirit of good ol' capitalistic competition, whoever tells me they will help me out first, is the true lucky one. I will announce the winner in 1 weeks time. I was desperately hoping that Deathly Hollows would end up 2,000 pages but, alas, I think Rowling has managed only 800 pages - weak. Also, as if I haven't written enough today, I just finished the book titled "The Time Travelers Wife". I picked it up because the cover's praise read "The next Lovely Bones" which is one of my favorite books. It is, after devouring this book, in no way similar Lovely Bones but it is, none-the-less, quite a fantastic, and now another favorite, book. Audrey Niffenegger writes about a man who is sometimes blessed, sometimes cursed, with a genetic disorder that causes him to time travel. Through this admirably and amazingly well done weaving of the past, present, and future, a love story develops. Niffenegger writes with such true and passionate understanding of human emotion that the couple becomes one you would envy were they real. Through this story also comes philosophical discussion of chaos vs determinism, what time is exactly, and the potential role god plays in it all. A must read :) So it is almost dark and I fear I have nothing else to say ... haha, I laugh that THOSE are my reasons for needing to go, not because I need to do work. Isaiah, if you are miraculously still reading at this point, will you please write me an email? I don't have yours and I have some things to say to you. Ok, love to everyone. Oh, and Marla, if Josh still works there will you please ask him to send me Holly Huggins email?

Silent Companion

2007-06-13T22:44:00.000-07:00

My sleep is disturbed in the early morning hours, every morning, to the premature cawing of roosters. The night is still penetrated by deep darkness and I know I have many more hours to sleep. I wait with closed eyes under my mosquito net for the roosters to stop their calls and then, frustratingly, for the dogs to stop howling their responses to the roosters and to again find peace within the night. I know that in any number of hours this routine of noise will commence again but that the next time I will have to get up and begin my own routine. I sigh deeply because my heart is tinged with a desire to not have to get up, to not have to go through another Thai day. Sometimes I just want the day to be over, for it to already be the next, and for time to just move so quickly that before I know it, I'm ready to say goodbye to Thailand and move on with the next part of my life. Yesterday morning, however, started off differently. I woke in the early hours of the morning, as any morning, to the sounds of the roosters but this time a small, sinister smile formed on my lips as I rememberd that I didn't have to go into school that day. I slept in, took my time that morning getting ready, and ended up at a restaurant eating some of the worst fried rice I have had in Thailand thus far (the chicken that I asked to be put in the dish was more bone and fat than it was meat). Through the pure simplicity of freedom that day I found inspiration to inspect my life and through those thoughts, I have renewed and refreshed my life in Thailand....this, in an attempt to summarize, is what I discovered:

Time is a beast. One of those close-your-eyes-don't-look kind of beasts that imminently lurks within your shadow fueling you with the desire to beat it back with a superfluously thorny, oversized stick. Throughout my my meek 23 years of life (meek in the sense that 23 years just doesn't exactly tip the scales in the whole plot of of existence itself) the beast has ineludibly dragged me by my arm and no matter how often or how hard I fight back, it's gruesome entity just won't let go. As I was sitting in the restaurant yesterday I realized, with flaberghasted shock, that I have already been in Thailand for almost half a year! Oh how the beast and I are inexorably intertwined!! Along with this realization, however, came another: I have, through my loneliness and thoughts of home, ashamedly forgotten this transparent and obvious fact. I currently want the beast to move me along quickly while at the same time entirely disregarding the fact that the beast ALREADY IS moving...and at exponential speeds at that! This zinger came at me pretty hard. I sat back and realized that if I keep wanting the beast to move more quickly I will end up, two years from now, entirely regretting the fact that I didn't take my time; that I spent my time instead wishing it to move faster. Enjoy the time for what it is in the here and now right? We've all heard this many times before but it came at me differently yesterday. I told myself that I need to chill out and enjoy what Thailand innately has for me. I asked myself what that was and my response: My life. I don't know all of what Thailand has for me but the plain and simple fact is: this is my life! How could I continue to live with myself knowing that I have actually been stroking the beast, tempting it to pull me along faster while my whole life before this point I had been battling the beast back with a stick? I still see time as a beast - it just inevitably is. But now instead of the beast lurking it is more so the silent companion that sits with me on Song Tao rides (public transportation of sorts). The beast isn't exactly my best friend but I have an appreciation for its company because I know that without it, I wouldn't be living my life.

So there you go. That isn't exactly detailed about my day to day activities, in fact, I still don't think you really know what I do. Maybe I'll explain that in the next blog. For some reason I have been unable to transfer any pictures so I will have to put on pictures that friends sent me. Hope it suffices for now. The first picture is of our 119 group during the Swearing In / 45th Anniversary Celebration. The Princess is in the middle. The second picture is of the school that Bekah and I worked at in Sakeo during training. Ok, love to all :)

Tornados and Farts

2007-05-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

I am going to start with this picture as a tribute to my brother. He just graduated from high school and I am so proud of him - not so much because I think high school is a terribly hard task but because I just love him so much and am proud of anything he does. This picture is for him because he told me once that he wanted to travel to other countries and take pictures of the not-so-common sports that the natives play. I thought that was such a fantastic idea and as I have no intention of stealing that idea, this home made checkers board simply made me think of him.

In the states, I hated crickets - granted, far less than I currently hate ants, dogs, chickens, and those obnoxious flying bugs that I have to fight with for shower space after it rains - but the crickets seemed to be more of a disturbance to the otherwise quiet and peaceful night. I've discovered that the crickets here in Thailand now mean something completely different - and I don't necessarily mean different in the sense that they are now edible and, supposedly, delicious - but that they now are a representation of silence to me. I realized this last night has I layed down to write in my journal. I didn't hear people, cars, barking dogs, or incomprehensible Thai music. Just silence.....and crickets. I was taken back by the novelty of this sense of silence for me. It was then my 14th hour of being awake and my world was finally slowing down. Even my runs, which I cherish as my release from the day, are still filled with noise: saying hello every other two minutes, telling people that I'm going back home, or though it is quite obvious what I am doing, responding to the question: "What are you doing?". But the noise does not only flood externally. Even more so, my mind is a constant Niagara Falls of thought ranging from "what the hell am I doing in Thailand" to "go Sadie, go, don't stop". The constant urging to keep pushing applies to my running of course but even more so I (the random picture is of one of my students who was displaying the word monkey) find myself applying those words to my work in Thailand. I have been placed within a tornado of a school system. It is, to put it bluntly, a wreck - but of course, to be fair, it is a wreck by American standards. I say that because I sincerely want to leave room for the cultural differences but then I realize, and am thankful to remember, that someone else thinks it needs improvement or else I wouldn't be here. Let me just tell you a little bit about my frustrations. Teachers don't teach. Ok, thats not entirely fair; they teach sitting at their desk listening to the students rotely read from their books. But even that is hard to come by as most teachers will sleep, read, or take an eating break during class. Classes never start on time. During one blastedly hot day at the high school my co-teacher and I were sitting in the classroom waiting, eagerly mind you, for the students to come. 10 minutes had passed so I, as politely as I could, asked where the students were. She replied that they were downstairs getting their hair cut. Indeed they were and consequently the lesson planned for an hour was cut down to half an hour. I could go on and on and on.......an on but I won't because I have to pay to use this computer and I don't want to bitch forever.

A PCV and I were talking about the job we have ahead of us. She shared that she was discouraged when her co-teacher told her to "stop being so serious" after wanting to sit down (this picture is of Liow and myself riding to the market to go watch the fish. He and I shared a seat and laughed the whole way as he asked me if I liked to eat farts) and lesson plan. Surely, we can take a page from the Thai book in terms of slowing down but oh how much we wish we could tell her back "but education is serious! Stop being so careless!" As I said we feel as if we are in the midst of a tornado, finding stable ground seems an impossible feat but we remind ourselves of the countless number of people we have randomly met in Thailand who, after hearing that we work for the Peace Corps, have exclaimed that they were taught by a PCV years ago and were changed by the experience. The kids are our stronghold - they are the flying cows caught within the same tornado that we can grab ahold of :) Ok, so a tornado analogy isn't exactly fitting here in Thailand...and it isn't the best analogy to begin with but there ya go.

This picture is of one of my high school classes. There are 40 students, 25 desks, and a room small enough for some Americans to consider a bedroom. I'm sure you all can grasp the innate difficulties imbeded within that statement.

In really exciting news however, I went on my first trip with the Kabinburi Bike Group and it was awesome! There were some serious bikers and some that went solely because they had nothing else to do. We rode 60 kilo (about 30 miles) to Gang Hin Pung where we ate sticky rice and som tam. Some of us then went mountain biking further up stream. It was so dense and dark in some places that I had to put my camera on night flash otherwise the pictures simply wouldn't come out. The trail was more so a hiking trail than biking trail and most of our time was spent getting on and off our bikes to carry it across rivers or over impassible jutting rocks but it was an absolute blast. The picture is of one of the kids that I met on the trip whose name I can't remember :) Now that I have a camera I need a place to store them online...does anyone have any ideas? Amy, what was the site you kept all of your Germany pictures? Ok, all for now :)

Picture update

2007-05-10T03:07:00.000-07:00

So I bought a camera. A nice camera at that - and I feel both extremely guilty about the purchase and extremely happy. I never made large purchases like this in the States so making one in Thailand, where I wasn't even expecting to see ice, leaves me feeling undeserving....but I am happy that I now get to share pictures from my life with you all! The picture to the left is where I get to run every day. A couple of weeks ago I needed to go to school and instead of being picked up by someone, I needed to get there by myself. I wasn't entirely sure which roads through my village led to the school but as I was exploring the area, I found this forest and an incredible expanse of green fields. I feel like I have written about this somewhere so excuse me if it was through a previous blog. I was told not to come this way though because "it is dangerous". Why is it dangerous? I asked "because there are bad men that drink whiskey" they replied. Me: But you are drinking whiskey right now (and in fact everyone drinks whiskey at every opportunity they get) Them: Oh it is dangerous because of the dogs. Me: The dogs in the village chase me more than the dogs over there. Them: Staring at me "it is dangerous over there, don't go". Needless to say, I still run over there. The next picture is at one of my schools. This is the school that is in my village - Baan Kok Udom. I love being here. I get such an amazing feeling when I walk into the building. I WANT to come to school to work and to be with the people. This was on one day I just came to do some lesson planning. It started to pour just before I wanted to leave so I waited for a while until it passed and decided for a photo op instead. While I am on the topic of school - I have spent the last week and a half lesson planning with my co-teachers. Here is the list of what we have actually planned: Let me just say that if this were the United States, our lack of planning would not fly. It is quite a challenge for me to not have an organized plan, but this is through my own choice. I have so many ideas of what to do in the classroom -l esson plans, games, songs, classroom organizational tips - but I don't want to just tell the teacher my ideas. I want them to, at least in part, come from her. So I hang out. We talk about what we think about the curriculm and how we should start the school year. I throw out questions in an attempt to get my co-teachers to think about other ideas but if they don't necessarily get to my idea, thats ok. For example, I think it would be a really good idea to start of the year with some sort of syllabus so that the students have a wide angle lens at what the school year is going to kind of look like. The problem here is that there is absolutely no concept of a syllabus. There is absolutely no collection of strategy teaching from previous years. So in addition to it being impossible on the teachers part to come up with a syllabus, it is impossible for me to even help come up with a syllabus because there really isn't even a curriculum. It is all so scattered and brain boggling. On the first day of school there will be no teaching - not because of our lack of plan but because in Thailand the students are required to do the maintance of the school alongside the teachers. Most of the classrooms, with three days before school starts, are not anywhere near ready - but that's ok because the first day is designated to clean and organize which the students must help with. Students are also required to clean and sweep the grounds of the school as well. At the school I worked at in Sakeo, classes were cancelled because things needed to be cleaned. Anyway, enough of that. The above picture is of one of the bathrooms at Kok Udom. The next picture is of me and some of the kids in the village. The little boy that I am holding is just about the cutest kid I have ever met in my entire life. He has the biggest smile on his face all the time and asks me question after question - most of the time they are repeats from previous days but it is adorible nonetheless. This was taken the day I got my camera. They love taking pictures and were thrilled at the idea. I really wish I could tell you their names but I can't. Thai's all have extremely long and difficult names to pronounce so all are given a chu len (literally name play - nickname) at birth as well. If I can't remember their one syllable nicknames, I don't think I'm ever going to remember their full names either!! Whenever I meet someone and tell them I live in Moo 9 (which is the village number) they always respond with "Oh, there are many children there!" My god are there ever! I don't think I could be placed in any better village. I have such a great opportunity to continue learning after school for the students if they want and also to be connected to the families of the students as well. Apparrantly, divorce is a very prominent problem here and it seems, similarly as in the States, any support the children can get is needed. I have so many ideas of things to do in my village outside of school and I look forward to the progression of things in general to initiate my ideas. This next picture is one of the garden I made in my backyard. Not only am I a teacher and a community worker but also "dichan ben chow suan" (a farmer!) I planted cucumbers, tomatoes, papaya, and green beans (which are just about the best vegetable here in Thailand!) I made this garden about a week ago and already (thanks to the constantly pouring rain) all have already begun to show leaves. the green beans are already about an inch tall. I had a fun experience making this garden though. One neigher comes up to my fence and though it is obvious what Im doing she asks "what are you doing?" I tell her I'm making a garden and that I'm planting these things. She said "Oh no you shouldn't do that. If you bend down you are never going to get back up because you will have a sore back". I told her I was young and that I won't get a sore back but even if I do, its ok, I'm just planting for fun anyway - I have nothing else to do today. She responded "Oh no, you shouldn't be planting. The manwees (gnat like bugs) are going to eat everything all up". I told her that if the manwees eat everything all up, its ok, I'm just planting for fun. I have nothing else to do anyway. Then she says "Oh no, you shouldn't be doing that. you should be sleeping or reading. that is much more fun" I told her sometimes, smiled and then walked away. In a couple of weeks, I'll bring her some of my green beans. The next picture is at a wedding that I went to a couple of days ago. I had no idea who the people were - I just get dragged to these things. Thai weddings are all the same - well, I should say, all large Thai events are all the same. A large stage is set up, a singer and dancers, and a catering group is hired. The dancers dress up in very non riap roy clothing and dance in a style more reminiscent of MTV rather than traditional Thai dancing. The music is ridiculously loud and obnoxious and the food is served in the same fashion - Chinese family style where appetizers are served first and rice served last. Without fail the appetizers include some form of egg, typically boiled, some sort of port, usually hot dog type blobs, some other strange things that I choose not to eat, and peanuts. We are given a spoon, a bowl, and chop sticks. In this picture I am eating a peanut with chop sticks. The girl next to me is named Bao. She is the daughter of the landlord and the one that I mentioned in a previous blog. I said that she was 27.......yah, she 17. I don't know how I mixed up "sip jet" and "yee sip jet" She could pass for 27 though don't you think? The wedding ended up being quite a frustrating night, as many Thai events end up being. Thai events become a place to drink and pretty much everyone partakes in drinking whiskey. I was told many times by men that I was going home with them which is very frustrating but I can simply say no and walk away but the drunk women pose more of a frustration simply because it is appropriate for them to touch me. So they will grab my arm and pull me where they want me and constantly talk in my face. This is a strange place to end but it is almost dark and I need to get on home so I hope that everyone is well!!

Fruit Roll Ups

2007-05-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone :) So, I thought that I should sit down for at least a minute and get something out to you because one, well, my last blog was kind of scary!!! and two because I've been having a great time and I want to let you all know. I started working with my co-teacher which has been fun - for a lot of reasons I suppose - but mostly because it is a challenge. But we work very well together and though we haven't made a lot of progress, we have made some, and I see good things for our class. The only problem is we don't have any time to plan!! We'll see. Tomorrow I am getting some people together to help me start a garden in my backyard and today I am going to make the Thai version of a fruit roll up. I had one that was made out of mango but I am going to make mine out of mango, pineapple, and banana....mmmmmmm, delicious. Ok, well, I have a lot to do so I'm going to have to end here. Write to me people!

Something, somewhere else

2007-04-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

Let me tell about you one of the many reasons why I joined the Peace Corps: To put it bluntly, I was restless and something within me needed filling. My bedroom walls at home were covered with old calendar pictures of beautiful places to which I wanted to travel; of places that seemed to call my name, of places that, when I stared deep into the glossy and shallow beauty that only a picture can produce, left me both with a deep feeling of excitement for the future and an emptiness that kept me yearning for something, somewhere else. Along with other motivating factors I decided that the Peace Corps was the right place for me and after many many months of waiting, I made it to Thailand. About a month into training I purchased a notebook (that I intended to use for my language studies but as I have already exhausted all the pages of the journals I was given before I left, the blank lines ultimately became the home for my never ending thoughts). I purchased this specific notebook because the cover boasted a gorgeous picture similar to one I would have glued to my wall in the states. I looked at this picture and imagined myself walking along the wooden bridge to the straw-covered hut that stood on stilts in the middle of that water. This time I smiled because looking at the picture did not leave me with the emptiness that it would have many months ago - Thailand was that picture for me…I was already in that other place, that “something, somewhere else”. That was 2 months ago. That feeling has slowly begun to erode since I arrived at site. Yesterday I sat in front of my fan with my head in a book, attempting to, unsuccessfully of course, escape the heat. Currently, I am reading a book that I have found myself deeply entranced by. It is, honestly, an innately good book but I am largely entranced, I believe, because when I read it, that emptiness is slightly satiated. I sincerely do want to travel. I yearn to meet people – the real people of different countries, hear what they have to say, and simply let their realities, my impossibilities, etch themselves as images, as thoughts, and as memories upon my mind. But as I become restless again, as is the case right now in Kabin, the desire to travel becomes more of an attempt at escaping that restlessness. So needless to say, I suppose, I was daydreaming in front of my fan of the time in the future when everything feels good again, that though I don’t believe in destiny or “supposed to’s”, life just simply felt right and that I was again, in that “something, somewhere else”. I daydreamed having this feeling in a forest where I sat amongst mango and banana tress. I dreamed of a silence so intense that I began to experience the layers that made up the silence: the sound of silence that intrinsically comes with the pure absence of sound itself, of course, but also the silence defined by the rustling of the leaves and the silence of the wind itself that rustles those leaves. Life doesn’t always work that way, however. Today, I sat at a wooden table with my pawaw (principal), who I currently and sincerely hold as my favorite person here. A piece of computer paper sat on the table between us, a fan above, attempting to quell the heat that somehow seems to thrive and burn regardless of the presence or absence of sun. Maybe I was drugged in a strange sense by the heat, maybe the stray hairs from my ponytail that brushed against my cheek calmed me beyond comprehensible reason but as we sat discussing the future school schedule, I was greatly overcome with that very feeling I imagined having in the forest. Life felt good. I could feel it and instead of sharing this feeling with the unseen creatures of the forest or my traveling buddies of the time like I had envisioned, I kept in inside, and instead let it envelope all of me to simply enjoy that moment with this Thai man, the paper between, the fan above, and the life moving on outside. Life is still not as I know it can, be but I am patient. I live with a loneliness that comes not from actually being alone but from the invisible wall between myself and the many people that exist around me, formed simply because of language – an entity that is, in all actuality, not so simple - but I look forward to the future, to the good work that I have the opportunity to do, and to the disintegration of the wall between myself and the Thai people…or maybe, upon second thought, the wall may always remain –after all, I am an American and they Thai. My wall, however, may take on a life similar to that of the Ancient Great Wall of China – still standing but restructured and rebuilt, definition and purpose changing concurrently with time. I am still restless, I am ready for school to start and I am ready to apply myself. I still look at a picture and yearn to be there but I do know that as Thailand has once been that picture for me, I know it will be again. I must simply wait for the dandelions to be spread (right Jess?)

Here are a couple of actual occurences besides my thoughts:
1. I have not had running water for the past 5 days. I have had to bring in water from the large ceramic bowls that store the rain water from the back of my house. I must admit though, that I absolutely love this. It is what I actually imagined when I thought about joining the Peace Corps...
2. I got to go back to Sakeo for a two day English Camp. I had dinner at the most amazing resort. A similar resort in the states would cost around 200$ a night....here, $20. Come visit me! After experiencing bathing in rain water you and I can go to this resort....;)
3. I know I had more to share but I'm tired ok! Love to you all!

Freedom

2007-04-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

Yay check out this website! http://www.pcthailandgigs.org/45/index.html. This was made recently to accommodate some of the pictures taken at the event. Good stuff. Besides that, I have very little to share: It's been hot as hell (110 at 7:00pm) and I have several infected mosquito bites, I had another English camp today and feel extremely excited for school to start - the kids are beyond fantastic, and I think I am moving into my new house in a couple of days.....maybe.....probably not.

I am a Peace Corps tool. We are told not to get in the back of a truck that is not covered, to not ride a motorcycle, and to always wear a helmet when biking - breaking any of these rules is grounds for early separation and you WILL go home. I have followed all of these rules despite my desperate wanting to break them. But one day I was exploring the area on my bike and, with the added frustrations of what the past week had brought to me, I was feeling ready to break my self granted title of "Peace Corps Tool" - no one would see me after all, how would the Peace Corps know? "I just want to be free. Damn Peace Corps!", I yelled to absolutely no one. But with the silence that came after my whining cry, I realized, Jesus, it's just a god damn helmet. How could I, in all honesty, be any more free? This thought brought the image of the 2 year old who was allowed to walk around free in the back seat and who was subsequently tossed to the front of the car when we came to a sudden halt (nothing bad happened luckily). It brought to mind the story some friends told when they saw a child being dragged along the asphalt because she fell off of the motorcycle. When her parents finally stopped the vehicle her leg was scraped raw - there were probably not anywhere near enough tears for that girl to show the world how scared she was. We might call these two stories consequences of bad parenting, lack of concern for safety, lack of thought even...but despite what we might call these incidents, I can't help but wonder, are they more free? There are no laws telling them what to do. If they want to risk any feasible outcome, then they are free to choose that option, no? Two summers before I left to the Peace Corps, some friends and I were swimming in the reservoir. We bought some large tractor tire intertubes, blew them up, and planned for a fun day of tubing. Shortly after we started the day, the reservoir police came to us and told us that intertubes were not allowed on the water and we were to either throw the tubes ashore or promptly leave the area. I felt frustrated at this complete lack of freedom....if I want to swim in an intertube, I simply should! Right? Which would you rather have? I'm still working on my answer - it is obviously more complicated then these two sides...let me know what you think :)

Songkran

2007-04-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the last feasible day for me to send in my rent receipt to Peace Corps headquarters before the Songkran holiday - or so I thought. As I stood outside staring stupidly at the door attempting to decipher the hours of operation, two men came up to me and told me that the post office was closed today because of Songkran. No way I said, Songkran doesn't start until tomorrow. Yes, they said but today we don't work either. So it seems as if it wasn't entirely necessary for the Royal Thai Government to extend the holiday by 2 days....the people do it anyway! :) It was bound to be a good day. As it turns out it really was. Probably one of the best thus far at site. I met a farang from Ireland and I exhuberantly took the opportunity to talk to him -in English- for an hour or so. The rest of the day it rained so needless to say, I loved it. Today was the true first day of Songkran and I can sincerely say that is one of the most amazing celebrations I have seen and still have yet to understand what the hell is going on. They tell me that they are celebrating the new year but the year is not actually going to change (which by the way it is actually 2550 here in Thailand - they count the years based off of the birth of buddha). So, I need to keep asking around....there was some talk about a 12 year rotation similar to the Chinese years but I'm still confused. Basically, today, I sang about 15 kareoke songs, danced to about twice as many as that, ate about 5 pounds more than THAT, all while being drenched in water. I first went to the house of my principal's sister where a ceremony took place (which is only natural - beginning ceremonies are ubiquitious at any Thai event) that truly made me realize the difference between our cultures in regards to revering our elders. About 10 or so elders sat in the chairs reserved for them lining the perimeter of the room. Each and every single other person in the room was to take a cup of water filled with marigolds and go aroud to the elderly and pour some into their hands. You sit down on your knees and wai the first person in the row. As a side note, the practice of the wai towards the elderly is absolutely amazing. It is almost filled with more reverence than the wai for monks. Typically, we wai others with a slight bow, with our hands near our chins but when we wai the elders we basically bend our backs as if going into a toe stretch. I will take a picture of it soon...it is beautiful. Anyway, we wai , they wai back, and then dump water on their hands and then wai again and move down the line so that every person is "blessed" 20-30 times. After that we ate, sang, and danced....a lot. We then proceeded to my principals house where we stood outside the gate on the street to squirt everypassing person with water....but here's what gets me: some people stop to get wet but before we would dump water on them, they waied us, giving thanks for the water! One elderly couple that rode past in a motorcycle and carriage (with a style similar to the one in Garden State but so rusty it could have been the one used in Motorcycle Diaries) stopped with the biggest smiles on their faces, waied for water, and then thanked us before going on their merry way. We then went over to the house of my prinicpals friend where we again ate, drank, and sang - again. They were dumping ice cold water on our backs which sounds nice and all but was absolutely freezing as there was no sun out. But heres what I love about it - oh the irony of it all- I am to watch and follow the Thai custom and as they waied before being splashed, as should I wai before being splashed....how do you thank someone for water when you sincerely don't want it - you just do and you just simply love it. Tomorrow my co-teacher is picking me up....I have no idea what we are doing but I'm sure it is going to be wet. Ummm...yah, I suppose that is all for now. I'm sure I'll have more for you tomorrow :)

Donuts

2007-04-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

Hey, so I intended to write more than I am going to but I got into writing a pretty lengthy email to Jess about the nature of humanity....now I get to write about more cheery things like Peace Corps lonlieness. During training we were told the story of a Peace Corps volunteer who pretty much dropped out of contact from everyone. Some of the staff went to his site to make sure he was ok and as they neared his house delicious scents of donuts filled the air. The staff soon discovered that the volunteer had turned his house into a bakery, but no so much in a sugar coated, lovey sort of way....no, this volunteer had gone so crazy with lonliness that he spent day and night baking donuts - the spongey breakfast desserts occupied every space in his house.....occassionally, I get random thoughts that I could very easily become the Donut Girl. Ok, ok, so this sounds very serious simply because I have told you that I am lonely but I write this all in jest (well, mostly all in jest). Soon, I promise, I will stop writing about the loneliness....I can say, however, that it rained again today which comes as a very welcome surprise....I'm going to be able to wear a long sleeve shirt tonight to bed!!! I have never seen rain like I have seen here in Thailand. The other day it rained so hard I was honestly a little scared! I have a very sneaky suspicion that the internet is going to give out on me so I am going to attempt to post what I have here.....love to all.

Is it BM? Is it really???

2007-04-09T05:36:00.000-07:00

Oh these picture make me miss Sakeo. These was taken during our English Camp during training. The kids in the first picture are competing for the best monkey impression. I don't remember who won but I sure hope the kid in the front did....pretty good huh? The students do wear uniforms but a different set everyday. I believe this is their Monday uniform. The second picture is a group of girls doing a dance for us. It is very common for girls to dress up and do traditional Thai dances - and as you can see, they start at a very early age. The picture below is part of our TCCO group on the way to visit a school. I got to sit in the Air conditioned van that day! :) I just got back from doing the first of a 3 day english camp. It definitely wasn't the best camp there ever was and hopefully it will be better tomorrow. Before we were sworn in as volunteers, we were warned that the first three months at site were going to be very difficult; that most volunteers experience a decrease in overall satisfaction (they even created a timeline for us). Yah. It's true. I am missing home so incredibly much right now. I am missing my home in the states and also my home in Sakeo. I feel like my language learning has come to a screaching halt - I've probably only learned about 10 new words these past two weeks. This makes it quite difficult to talk to people - I'm not exactly having a lot of varied conversation right now - my Thai is extinguished at some point and asking "arai na" (what?) and saying "mai kao jai" (I don't understand) so many times is very trying. I'm feeling extremely inadequate as a volunteer right now as well....sigh. I'm meeting some friends in about a month though so I look forward to that. Hope everyone is ok thousands of miles away :)

I have pictures!!!

2007-04-05T01:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a fantastic friend I have some pictures to share with you all. He sent them to me as a birthday present and I could not be happier!!!! It's amazing how pictures through an email becomes the best present in the world :) But, here's the deal: life is pretty darn slow here right now. It is summer break for school and all we really have to do is just go out and talk to people and...well, just be. So, I decided that in addition to spending some time just hanging out at the talat today, I would also spend some time in the nice air conditioned room and write yet another blog. Yay. I was feeling pretty darn lonely today so I called one of my best friends here, Megan. We talked for an hour and I feel much much better. Lonely already and it's only the 2nd week at site you might ask? Well I will tell you that not being able to fully explain ANYTHING to the people around you is very tiring and leaves you with a sense of emptiness.....thankfully we have cell phones and I have a good set of people behind me. Currently, I am sitting in the internet shop where 20 other kids are blankly staring at their computer screens playing internet games....the thing that gets me is that they all have the music or sound to their games turned up (seemingly) as loud as possible. How they know what sound belongs to their game I have no idea...but this is definitely not a quiet Buddist wat....;) Today I am going to go to "den aerobics" which is dance aerobics. It should be a good time dancing to some Thai pop music don't you think? So, here are the explanations to my pictures.
This first picture is Bekah and myself. Bekah is one of my best friends here as well. She is 28 years old and from Florida. Her accent is one of the strongest southern accents I have ever heard. She was my bike buddy during Sakeo. I passed her house every day to work where her family would greet me with exhuberant hellos. The skirt I am wearing (and the yellow thing underneath the white shirt) was part of a costume that I had to wear that day for a dance. Myself and 9 other people did a northern dance for our going away party in Sakeo. It turned out...well, OK I suppose...but I was laughing the whole time. It was a blast. I can show you the dance if you come visit!!! The next one below this is me in my full costume after the dance and my friend John (not the John most of you are thinking of). The woman in the foreground is my pi sao (older sister) who housed me during my 10 weeks in Sakeo. Her name is Baeo though I honestly only learned that the last week...I asked her name the first day I got there but because I couldn't understand Thai, I easily forgot it and never asked again because I always called her pi sao. I only learned because my younger sister called her name and she answered...yay, for listening closely huh? I have no idea who the woman to my right is by the way....John's host

mom maybe?? The next picture is of John and I again (again not the John you are thinking of) at our swearing in ceremony. The yellow shirts we are wearing were made special for the day....I believe I have already told you about the swearing in ceremony so I won't go into any more detail except for that the shirts were extremely uncomfortable, we had to pay 1000 baht, which is a substantial amount, and will most likely never wear them again in our lives. We all joke about the fact that we will wear them to our first job interview when we get back to the states however. What an impression that would make right? If you can see in the background there is writing on the wall. It says Peace Corps 45th Anniversary blah blah blah...this letter announcement is HUGE in Thailand..I mean huge. Every gathering you go to there will be a sign indicating where you are and what you are there for. Just one of those things that makes me smile. The next picture is of Bekah, myself, and Tina. I didn't get a change to get to know Tina very well but she is a sweet heart. She was a camp counselor in Colorado for a couple years, has a lot of energy and has given some great ideas for songs and lessons. She is stationed in the south of Thailand so I probably won't get to see her. The next picture is of Meghan and myself. I love her. She is very awesome. We initially bonded because we were roommates in San Francisco but mostly bonded through our discussions of who is the sweatiest person in Thailand - she or I. I always claim it is I but she definitely comes into a close second. We have similar views about pretty much everything and also understand each other as her dad passed away a couple of years ago. The picture at the beginning is of myself and John (the John you ARE thinking of) during free time during our language tests. Time to go.....do what, I ahve no idea right now but I'm sure it will be hot. Oh, today I am making dinner for my family....it is a new creation of mine....it is rice (of course) with eggs and APPLES (kao gap kai sai appen). They laugh when I tell them I cooked eggs with apples, and in all honesty, I didn't know what I was doing when I started to cook but it was the only food I had....you use what you got right? It turned out pretty good and so I offered to cook it for them. They will probably grang jai me and tell me it is great when they actually think it is discusting but eh, it will be fun none the less. Oh, my reason for saying that was because I have a bag of eggs hanging off my bike which are probably roasting in the sun.....I should get them inside. Oh, I have no fridge yet so keeping things fresh has been quite a problem. Ok, love to all :)

Baan Chow mai ben mai mai

2007-04-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

So I suppose I will try again to let everyone in on my life – basically, I’ve had a rough couple of days. I was living with a host family for close to a week but moved into my baan chow about 4 days ago. Through my frustrations with the Peace Corps for placing me in a city when I directly told them I didn’t want to be in a city, I hastily chose a baan chow without really looking around – I was just simply ready to be out on my own, in my own house, have my own freedoms. When I got to my baan chow I discovered that it is located in an industrial district – the cows that grazed in my backyard stole my attention from the main road directly in front of my house that I would later come to find out boasts "bit rote" which, literally translated, means stop/off/end car or to us city folk: rush hour. In addition to this, the house was just too modern – granted it was modern Thai style but I had a flushing toilet and that was jut too much! Also, I found myself separated from an actual community, there were no kids around. Who was I going to play soccer with? So I decided to move. There was another baan chow that I saw the day I went looking for houses. It was all wood, very Thai but the bathroom was not attached to the house and because I have to follow Peace Corps rules (they won’t let volunteers live in houses with detached bathrooms due to security reasons) I quickly passed on the house. BUT! This is the very house that will, in a week or so, become my new, permanent location. The landlord is currently, as we speak actually, working on building me a bathroom that is attached to the house. 3 (almost 4 – wow!) months ago, I would have said no to this generosity but I have sense learned that it is just what they do…so I gratefully accepted their offer to build me a bathroom (at no extra cost to me).
Now here’s the thing. The volunteers here in Thailand, my group and all groups that have preceded me, as well as our training staff (most of whom have been volunteers in Thailand themselves) consider service in this country to be more "Posh Corps" rather than Peace Corps. The kindness and generosity of the Thai people make transitioning easy. My life here in Thailand has had nothing worth complaining about and I feel that my blogs have been pretty darn positive…..but today, I want to explain about a struggle that I have had to deal with because of the very generosity that I speak of. I have mentioned many a time that the Thais are genuinely concerned for my safety and that they are a very communal society. These two aspects cause a lot of ben hooang (concern) about me living on my own. People are sent over to check on me at any time of the day. I am always stopped and questioned when I want to go somewhere by myself and often times, they won’t let me go by myself. I was beginning to feel extremely congested and that my space was cramped to its extreme. But I realized one day as I was sitting in my own sweat in my baan chow at a time when no one else was around that I didn’t want to be alone….I didn’t come to Thailand to be alone. I am moving to a new place where I will most definitely not be alone…my house shares land with another family, whom I am already in love with. I am already their luuk-sao (daughter) and they have a daughter of their own who is 27 and very awesome. This house is in an actual community. I can walk down the street and have 20 people to talk to. And there are kids! So many of them too! It is going to be a fight for me to get privacy and alone time but I decided that my desire for this is entirely trumped by my desire and need to live the Thai livfe – to live in a COMMUNITY.

So here are just a couple tid-bits that I think you might enjoy
1. Near and far are the same word: glie- just said with different tones
2. Mai can mean at least 5 things: wood, new, a mark, a window, and a question indicator. Get this for a question: "baan chow mai ben mai mai" Literally translated: baan chow new is wood "?" Is your new house wood?
3. There are gas attendants at gas stations. Typcially high school aged kids who fill up your tank and clean your windows while you wait in the air conditioned car.
4. When you order at a restaurant, you either write down what you want on a piece of paper yourself and hand it to the waitress, or you just tell your order to the waitress who actually doesn’t write anything down but goes and tells someone that’s what you want. When you are done, the waitress will come back, ask what you ordered, THEN write it down and then tally up how much it costs.
5. They do use toilet paper in Thailand…just more so as napkins.

Mom or dad, or Jess you might have to do this…..could you send me an absentee ballot form? I would so very much love to be able to vote in the upcoming election!

Ok, so an explanation of the pictures. The first one was sent to me by my friend from my tombone back in Sakeo. This was the road we got the absolute pleasure of biking together everyday. In this picture the cows are all huddled together on the right side of the road but often times, they were scattered and we had to stop and wait for them to pass or make our way through them like a pizza delivery boy in New York City traffic. The second picture is of all of us when we first got to Sakeo almost 3 months ago. The picture was taken in front of the Governors building. They gave us lais and sang and danced for us when we first arrived. It was quit the welcoming.

2007-04-03T00:47:00.000-07:00

I just spent an hour writing a blog.....the internet lost connection and I, thusly, lost all of my writing....sigh.

Give me some sugar

2007-03-26T20:18:00.001-07:00

I am now a volunteer!!!!!!!!!!! We were sworn in on Saturday which was not only a momentous day for my group but also for Peace Corps Thailand as a whole. This year marks the 45th anniversary of the Peace Corps Thailand/America relationship - which is no small deal. Our relationship with Thailand is the longest running and most successful relationship throughout the Peace Corps World. The ceremony was graced, as many of the Thai staff would say, by the Princess' presence and were told that having her there was one of the greatest honors. It is hard for me to gauge the true essense of her royalty and importance simply because I am still ignorant about the depth of the Thai government but I was no doubt humbled by the fact that we were there. More and more I come to appreciate the depth of my job here and the ceremony aided in the removal of one more layer of the things I take for granted. The ceremony supposedly made national news so if you want to do some searching, I'm sure you could find some more information. That very day though we were all swept off to our individual sites so goodbyes were very brief.

My site: I am currently staying with a host family, though I do have a house for rent waiting for me. I do not yet have the address but will get it to you as soon as I possibly can. So, if you were thinking of sending me anything for my birthday... dont sweat it - I'm in Thailand, that is birthday present enough :) My house for rent (baan chow) comes with absolutely nothing.....which is no surprise when comparing to the states but here in Thailand it is more of an exception. I am going to be moving into my baan chow on Thursday and am very excited....I get to run where and when I want and to eat when and how much I want....I can wear what I want to bed and I can just sit and relax! I haven't worked at all since I moved to site and it has been fantastic! I went to two parties yesterday - one was similar to an end of the year party in the states but so much more fun! The second one was for the new teachers so I got to give a speech and sing kareoke. I sang country roads. As I was starting my song I was told "By John Denver. He dead already". Country roads all right.

So I want to tell you all about a little holiday here in Thailand called Songkran. And when I say little I mean huge. And when I say holiday I say it with confusion because I don't understand what exactly is being celebrated....there goes my American mind thinking there needs to be answers. We've been told that April is so hot you honestly think the sun is going to kill you like it does the trees. The Thai's solution for reprieve is a couple-day holiday where they nearly extinguish all water supply to have a country-wide water fight. They say that you are soaked for days and farangs are an especially susceptible target.....yaaay. I am honestly really excited about the water part of this whole charade but I am mostly excited because I don't have to be riap roy.....and for those of you who know me well enough and know how much I love playing in water, being more excited about not having to be riap roy is a big deal.

So I think the bed that I am sleeping on at my host family has bed bugs. I am very very itchy and the bites are most definitely not from mosquitos.....

So the plan: I will be doing 2 three day english camps within the next two weeks, two teacher training seminars, lesson planning for the first six months of school, and working on the curriculum. Also, I learned yesterday at the party that meth is a very big problem in this area so I will think about that as a secondary project.

For my family. If you have not yet heard, Matt just shipped off to the Army yesterday. He is so incredibly excited and sees this as possibly the biggest adventure in his life - most certainly the biggest up to this point. I hear a happiness in his voice that I haven't heard for a while and through his happiness comes a point for me where I relinquish all my sadness and feel excitement for him. I think it is going to be good for him - very good. When I figure out where he is, I will let you all know. Could you be sure to let him know you are thinking about him and maybe send him a letter from time to time? He considers you all more family than is own. Through times full of challenge, support is so imporant - so lets all be there for him ok?

I feel like there was so much more I had to say, and there most likely is but I have come to a loss of thought right now. Considering it has been so long since I last wrote, this probably doesn't adequately fill you in....sorry :) With a smile of course cuz there is nothing you can do! But if you think of questions let me know ok....I like questions.

For Penny, yes of course I remember meeting you! I am so excited for you! Congratulations - sincerely. One thing that I have learned through experience already and have been told from other volunteers, is to not compare your service and self to other PCVs' services. They are so incredibly different and so incredibly unique. When I was assigned to Thailand, I was so sad. I wanted to go to Mongolia or South America - certainly, Thailand wasn't going to bring to me what I wanted and what I expected from the other countries. And now that I have spent three months here, I realized that I was right, Thailand doesn't bring me what those other countries could have. And that is more than ok - not because its Thailand (I would say the same for any country) but because it is simply what is it is. Eastern Europe is going to be fantastic for you. Enjoy it for what is has intrinsically for you. Keep me updated ok? good luck!!

roo mai chai....khun sap.....arai godai

2007-03-10T01:01:00.000-08:00

Hello :) So much has happened since last time I wrote. We had our English camp which was a tremendous success! Oh, I have a funny story to relate to you all. First, a little insight into the structure and logistics of how the camp worked. There were about 8 volunteers and 150 students and we each taught 2 different lessons/songs to 6 different groups of kids who were grouped by fruits. In addition to this, we did large group activities in the morning and then at the end of the day. When we did the large group activities we all sat under a large outdoor pavillion type thing in a awkward concentric circle as to fit all kids under the same roof. It is the end of the day activity that I want to relate to you. So, at the beginning of the day we introduced body parts in English so at the end of the day we played a game called person to person to review those parts. So each kid had to find a partner. The MC would call out a body part and the two kids would have to tap those body parts together to the beat of the music in the background. We were successful with leg, arm, hand, head, foot but came upon an extremely awkward moment when the MC said mouth to mouth. Our MC's name is John and in fact I'm not going to blame this awkwardness on John because it wasn't really his fault. I was watching him when he said mouth to mouth and he didn't tell the kids to do it, he just asked the Paw Aw (principal) and she was all gung ho! So the kids (and John and the Paw Aw) awkwardly did mouth to mouth but more so in a style resembling a French greeting. Usually we would move on to another body part but not this time! The Paw Aw had everyone sit down. We all sat down in our strange grouped circle and waited while she ran off stage. She came back with a large water bottle (similar to the water bottles that office staff have "water cooler talk" around). She set this large bottle in the middle of the circle and proceeded to play spin the bottle. She was speaking in Thai and I had no idea what was going on but the kids were screaming and laughing and thinking it was sooooo hilarious......me, I was confused as all hell. As I was sitting there attempting to catch my co-volunteers' eyes for a moment of shared "what the hell?" , I noticed that the Paw Aw pointed the bottle at me. I stared at the bottle for a moment but only a slight moment because she made me get up and spin the bottle. I spun the bottle with such hesitation that it didn't even go around in a complete circle. The bottle landed on John. He was just as confused as I was. We look to our Ajaans for help who tell us to just to the chicken dance Thai style (which is way more fun that the chicken dance American style). All ended up without harm but my god was it a very strange moment in Thailand. The day ended up with autographs and dancing. Some of the kids that live in my village were able to come to the camp so I was blessed with hearing the new things they learned during camp. It was quite wonderful to see the fruit of our hard work but after hearing "what is your name, how old are you, and what is your favorite food" for the 20th time.....well....yah, enough said.

Today we just finished a teacher camp which consisted of 100 teachers and 10 volunteers. It was not as much of a success but it was still a very good experience. Let me explain to you all that I am not in Thailand to teach. That is not my purpose in Thailand. I do teach. I will spend a good amount of time teaching but I am here to teach teachers how to teach English. Most of my time will be spend working one on one with the co-teachers of my two schools. In addition to this, however, I will be working very closely with my supervisor who is also the supervisor of the English Program in my province. Our goals are to work in detail with the curriculum (and ultimately change the curriculum to better suit the needs of the students, and in all honesty, to be effective in general because at this point, it frankly sucks) and to create teacher clubs and teacher camps in order to get all teachers in our province on the same page. I didn't know that my job was going to be on such a large scale but I am sooo thrilled that it is. Thailand wants to improve their English program and I can't do that effectively by working at only two schools. So, today we held a Teacher Camp mostly as practice for the volunteers but also to give the teachers some ideas. The hardest part for me, and something that really put my job in perspective was when a teacher came up to Scott (my teaching buddy for the day) and me and asked for help, for advice on how to get her Paw Aw's to listen. She seemed to be a very energetic and devoted teacher who already had a fantastic grasp of student centered learning. She came to us because her Paw Aw is on a completely different page. Her Paw Aw wants her to teach from the curriculum and and the level she was teaching (Matiome which is like high school) includes grammar. The problem is, the kids don't even know the basic letters, the sounds they make , or how to answer a question as simple as what is your name. I suggested she go to the ESAO which is the level of government that I will be working with, the ones that have the power to change, but the problem here in Thailand is the power struggle. She comes with little power to change so it will be difficult for her to be heard. I found a great appreciation for my supervisor at that point who wants to listen and who wants to change and to start from the ground up. I told this teacher to keep doing what she was doing, that change is slow but it is coming. Thailand is in a state of reform in terms of education. Some teachers are oblivious, and those seem to be more common but I find it so much more difficult to see the teachers who are lightyears ahead of their country. They are in some ways being held back by their government and it is very frustrating for them.

I want to end here by commenting on my title. It means "or not, ya know, whatever". This is not a common pharse in Thailand. A friend and I translated it because it happens to be said quite a lot by him. It means so much for us but for the purpose of this email, it falls in line with "may ben rai" which actually is a legitimate Thai phrase that means "its all good". We find ourselves caught up in so much sometimes - you can answer for yourself what you get caught up in - but sometimes, being caught up in those things is a waste of our precious time. Sometimes it is so helpful to just remember that life has a way of working out....

I teach without shoes on. When I sweep the 100 dead bugs up from the floor I don't use a dust bucket (english words have escaped me already - I hope you know what I mean by dust bucket) because the floor is made of wood. I simply push the pile of bugs through the slats in the floor. For 3 days I studied Thai at a Wat. Life is good.

The Beach

2007-02-27T21:28:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of the resort we stayed at for our AIDS converence....I feel awkward writing the word resort - this is supposed to be the Peace Corps after all - but it was a very nice place on the beach. Very nice. We needed the break. I thought I would have more time to write but I don't so just quickly, I am still doing well. I am living with mixed feelings of being ready to leave and start teaching and never wanting to leave Sakeo ever. We are working on an English camp that we will hold on Friday. This will be our first camp and have feelings that it will be a little hectic. Sorry this was so informative but it's lunch time and I'm going to go find some kao lam. Come visit me and you can find out what kao lam is ;)

Read the previous blog first!!

2007-02-22T23:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, so, the fact that I am on my blog again says a lot about Thailand. My supervisor is not working. I'm not really sure what she's doing. BUT! You should know that our absence of work is not due to a lack of committment or care, in fact she is very dedicated to her work. This is just the Thai culture. Things move slowly, and if you aren't ready to sit down and talk about a 6 month plan, then you just don't. I came back from lunch and some of the supervisors in the office were reclining in their chairs taking a snooze. I should explain a little more about where i am. First of all, the Peace Corps asks me not to write my location on my blog for security purposes so if you really want to know where I am, let me know in an email. BUT, I work in a larger city and both of my schools are situated on the highway. I was extremely frustrated about all of this originally, and still am not entirely happy about it, but have come to terms with the fact that I am still a part of my community - even if my community is just a small section of this town. There are several villages situated around the main strip of road - most of which feel very dirty - (I have stayed with three different hosts while on my visit here and one the houses had a bathroom more disgusting than any I have seen in Thailand. I was litterally taking a bucket shower with swarms of gnats and had to watch my head so that my hair didn't swipe the spider webs above. Thai people are very concerned with cleanliness so this bathroom experience was a little surprising to me. So, I was frustrated at first because I wanted to live in a house with neighbors nearby but also with a little bit of space. In most of the villages in this area, you scream for help, and 20 other people will hear you. It's crowded. BUT, as I was looking for a house to rent yesterday (with 10 other people!!! They all want the best for me!) I found a house that I love love love. It has open space all around me but with neighbors still very close and a small dirt path that leads directly to one of my schools. The landlords were not sure if they wanted to put the house up for rent so I am not sure if I can live there yet but I have my hopes on it. After I saw this house and spent 3 nights and 4 days here I have really come to not only like this place, but feel excited for the next part of my life in Thailand. I am having a hard time though because this next step means saying goodbye to all the people that I have spent the last couple months with. I have made a home there and will miss is so much! The good part is I am only a 30 minute ride away and I can ask any person with a car to take me and they will more than happily do so. Oh! That reminds me! There are several national parks near here which is exciting but one of the teachers I work with is the Vice President of a biking club. It is usually 50 baht a month but he said that I will be a special member and won't have to pay (neat!). They bike around the area and up into the parks every Saturday. I look forward to my time biking with them. OH!! Before I forget! 80% of the people that live here do not speak Thai. They speak Lao. It is, thankfully, not very different from Thai, but needless to say, there has been quite a lot of confusion and "put eek ti see" s (say that again). But hey, when I get back, I will be trilingual! Too bad neither one of those languages are really transferable to the states.

So I want to explain to you all one of the turning points in my trip to visit my site. I got here and wanted to cry. I was, not regretably, pretty sad about my first impression. As I was sitting outsite at my first host site thinking about the whole situation, my host mom came up to me and told me we were going to the temple to pay respects to Buddha. I pictured a small gathering of people in a temple but oh boy was I wrong. There was kareoke (who's ubiquitous presence I have not only grown to love but grown to crave), and lights, and a whole talat. This was all so common to Thai culture so the lights, kareoke, and talat didn't surprise me as much as it did the fact that this was all set up at temple and on a day to pay respect. Buddhism is very important here but so is having fun. The temple is a sanctuary (just listening to the chanting in the morning is enough to make you cry) but also a place for parties and fun. So, we bypass all this and go to one of the most awesome things I have participated in. You first buy a package and contained in this package is a flower, pieces of gold leaf, a piece of paper with Thai script, a pencil, a canlde, 3 sticks of incense, and string. You first walk up to the temple and take off your shoes.....oh my gosh, i just can't even begin - I already feel so incredibly inadequate. The ambience was incredible. People were laughing, talking, singing, playing, just 100 feet away. You walk up the first step to the temple and people are thoughtful, respectul, and so incredibly real. There were tables of monks and some of them were talking on the microphone (occassionally I would hear the word farang and questions directed towards me but I ignored them at first). I had gone to pray with my host family before so I understood the ritual of lighting the candles and incense so when I knelt down on the ground before the statue of buddha I took it seriously. Because I'm not Buddhist or have anything in specific to pray to, I prayed to myself. I lit the candles and incense, placed each in their repective posistions, and then waied three times. On the third wai I stayed with my hands splayed on the ground, my head down and between my arms. Everything just hit me so hard that my life is good even if I am in a city that I consider ugly, even if I am really in a place so opposite from where I want to be. These Thai people, after one day of meeting them, are my friends. They are my family and I really could not be happier. I am in love with this place. But don't worry mom and dad! I am coming home in two years. This culture, there are some things that frustrate me, but my god! This culture is beautiful. Even something as simple as a greeting. We shake hands or hug each other. The Thai greeting, the wai, is so complicated, comlex, and wonderful. The people are so incredibly deliberate with their hello. I was at a party last night and sat back for a little bit to watch the people. The table in front of me had 7 people seated. One man wanted to speak to someone at the table so he walks up, closes his hands in prayer posistion, places his thumb on his chin, his fingers gracing his nose. He holds this position and holds a bow as he makes eye contact with every single person at the table. Everysingle person at the table waied him back - but more importantly, not just waied him back because they had to but carefully, slowly, and deliberately placed their hands together, moved them to their face, and then slowly bowed their heads. I hope you can come visit me and we can sit back and watch the Thai people together. It is quite amazing. I love the wai, I love it's intricate complexity, and I am going to hate the fact that people in the states don't do it. Maybe I'll start this as a new trend at home.

Oh oh oh!! I wanted to let you know that I ate gop (frog) and can honestly say that it is good. I only had one bite despite this fact simply because it still is frog and it just seems wrong to eat it. Ok, I think I need to be done for now. Love to all.

Kroo Faang

2007-02-22T22:33:00.000-08:00

Hello all. I unfortunately don't have a lot of time but I just wanted to get out a quick word because it has been a while. I have been doing A LOT and have been through quite a bit of ups and downs. As a summary, I visited my new home. All I really can do now is just sigh. I am writing this at the end of my frustration so I feel more ok with my new home but a couple of days ago I was on the verge of being angry with the Peace Corps for placing me where they did. I had two requests: to not be in a city and to not work in a big school. I now live in a city and work in two big schools. BUT my coteachers are fantastic and I have met some absolutely amazing people - all of whom want nothing but to take me as their own. I haven't spent a single baht in the past 5 days. I have been to two large parties, one of which is called a bettoong. It is located at a temple and - gosh, I'll have to explain more later. The teachers from one of the schools at which I am working gave me a new Thai nickname (nicknames are huge in Thailand): "Faang" (said with a rising tone instead of a mid tone! If you say faang with a mid tone and shorten the a sound then you are saying "listen") It means rice tree. And it was explained to me that this name was chosen because like the rice is a staple for the Thai people, so am I useful to and wanted by the country. So I thought that was pretty neat. My supervisor is back and now we have to actually work!! We have been traveling around all day - going to the talat, going to the post office, and then lunch, now it is 2:00 and we will finally get some work done...or maybe not. The picture included is of me playing soccer with some of the kids that live around The Chang (the shack where we like to hang out when we meet in the city) . I'll write more when I can!!

Pasa Thai and Pasa Angrit

2007-02-03T19:29:00.001-08:00

Hello again! It is nice to be on a computer not so much because I am ON the computer but because being on the computer means I am on break! Whoo hoo. So I wanted to start by telling you all that I had a horrible scare the other day. After lunch with the kroo (teachers) and Rong Rian Tah Yaek (Tah Yaek School) I started to feel hot and my skin was beginning to take on that sensation where the slightest rub of clothing hurt. So I went home and took my temperature. It was 103. So I text the Peace Corps Medical Officer to find out later that the reason he didn't return my text was because he was in Indonesia scoping out the place and determining whether it will be a suitable location for Peace Corps. Anyway, I was scared. I have quite a bit of mosquito bites and though Malaria is not common out here, Dengue (break bone fever) is. So I was terrified, not only because I've never had a temperature that high but also because I was afraid I might have dengue and because I couldn't communicate with my family about what was happening. I took some medicine and attempted to sleep but because the walls are wood slats, it seemed as if all the people talking outside, all the dogs running, and chickens bawking were inside my room. So I didn't sleep but instead just lay on my hard bed. When I did finally wake up the next morning, my temperature was 97. I don't know what happened....thankfully I was ok the next morning because we all went to Pangsida National Park for sports day! In other disease news. I got a blister from my shoes and it got infected so my whole ankle is swollen and red and my shoe doesn't fit but eh, mai ben rai :) It's all good.

In other news more on the exciting side, I find out where I will be placed within two weeks and then I get to go visit that location for a couple of days. I am so excited. Next week we get to go to the beach for an aids conference which I am not as much excited for. Picture one is all of us eating lunch at Antons house for the ceremony I told you about last post. Picture two is a woman at the Talat selling polomai. Who can guess what polomai is?? Speaking of pasa Thai, we did a mock interview with the language coordinator the other day which went very well. It is amazing how much I have learned. I was able to carry on a conversation for a good amount of time and my ajaan says that I am at the intermediate low level which is already passed the level at which I am supposed to be in order to be sworn in. Yay. It's just exciting to see how much more I get to learn. So I say that I was able to carry on a conversation with my the language coordinator but that is with both of us speaking only the words I have learned. When it comes to speaking at home or trying to communicate with my co-teacher, it is much much much more difficult. Speaking of my co-teacher. I have received quite a few comments about the Peace Corps in Thailand and whether our arrival was wanted or was it more of a push from the American government onto the Royal Thai government. Well, what I can tell you is that two representatives from the Ministry of Education came and spoke to our group. They both made it abundantly clear that they not only needed our help but desperately wanted it. We were given two articles written and posted in a Bangkok newspaper about how much they needed farangs to teach english - people who actually spoke the language instead of the method they operate under currently. I wish I could show you all the English classroom they have here. The school I work at has 130 some students and though I'm not sure how many teachers, they are missing a couple to teach 3rd and 4th grade. One teacher is responsible for teaching all subjects to each grade. So there are basically several Thai teachers teaching English who don't even know how to answer how are you when asked. So yes, the Ministry of Education wants us here and after working with the teachers at Tah Yaek, I see the teachers want us here too. Now of course, you never really know what goes on at the government level. The fact is that the Peace Corps has been in Thailand for 45 years so it does make me question the amount of impact the Peace Corps had on the RTG and their implementations of change. I would venture to guess that had the Peace Corps never been here, the RTG would not have made the changes within the education system they did but is this a bad thing?? I don't think so. The Peace Corps is very sensitive to culture and while they train us how to teach within a student centered classroom, they also teach us about the Thai culture. They teach us to maintaining what Thailand stands for while at the same time integrating a new teaching style. It is feasible to make learning more integrative and sanuk for the students while leaving every bit of who they are in tact. We have this idea that Thais are very quiet and live by the standard of saving face which is true but my god do they relish in the sight of energetic games and making mistakes. I say the teachers want us here but the kids want us here 10 fold more. When Bekah and I go into the library to lesson plan, they follow us with smiles on their faces and watch us from the door. When we close the door they run around to the other side of the building to watch us from the window. Every house I pass all the way from school to my house is a kid yelling Sadie. I'm not sure if they wanted to learn english before we got there but I can tell you that since we got there, they want to learn. They want to know the next time we will be teaching, the next thing they are going to learn. Some of the kids who live in my neighborhood who also go to school at Tah Yaek bike home with me and one day one of the kids asked me "how much" and pointed to my bike. I didn't know how to communicate that I had no idea, that the Peace Corps graciously gave it to me so I tured my head to him to say "mai sap" but then realized that the kid who asked me (Beer, one of my favorite kids) is also in my class and we had just taught them how to ask how much something cost. I almost fell of my bike with excitement at not only his application but his attempt to try to speak outside of class. Ok, so I'm a better bike rider than that but my god, this is good stuff.

So, in closing, if Thailand doesn't kill me, it will make me really very strangely sick, I am learning a lot of pasa Thai, teaching a lot of pasa Angrit, and in response to some comments from last post, still not drinking Chang and swear I never will. Love to all.

2007-02-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

Buddhism and Bikes

2007-01-28T21:05:00.000-08:00

Last night I got out of the hong nam (bathroom) after a shower and, for the first time since arriving in Thailand, I really wished I had a sweatshirt. It was quite an awesome feeling - to be cold. Made me really want to go snowboarding. But things are still going well for me here. I was asked the other day how I was doing and I replied good but then he asked why. My answer was that this is the first time in my whole life that I have said "life is so good" more than a couple times a day for more than 3 days in a row. The other day I got the pleasure of participating in part of a two day ceremony for Anton's brother who is becoming a monk. They have a hair cutting ceremony (The after picture is on the left there. Anton is on the far left, his brother, Garrett, and then one of our Ajaans (teachers) Denai). so there were about 50-75 people crowding around him as he sat in a chair holding candles between his hands that were in prayer position. There was a group of 3 guys playing music in a truck behind him reminiscent of rock and roll but with a Thai twist. Each person came through and cut part of his hair off and at first I was just watching but as the Thai are generous, they asked me to cut part of his hair as well so I took the scissors, waied him, and then cut. I think I pulled a little harder than would be comfortable but he sat there with his eyes closed through the whole thing. I wonder what he was thinking. I was able to steal some pictures off of Garrett's blog for those of you who want some. This one below is of some of us meeting on a weekend at our favorite hang out spot. We call it The Chang named after the Beer Chang, the beer of choice of a lot of volunteers here. I unfortunately don't like beer (unfortunate because it is so cheap) and mixed drinks aren't really common (which is fine) so I just drink green tea (which is actually delicious). The family that runs this shop is very very sweet. They have the one little table that you see in the picture but as more of us show up they will bring out table and chairs from their house to accommodate us. I hope they like us because good god are we loud! I love this picture because of the bike parking lot we have created. They gave us all (56 of us) all brand new Trek bikes with LED lights for the front and back, tire pumps, helmets, and patch kids. They were very good to us. So anyway, I think that that is good for now. My friend did let me borrow her camera for a day so I have some pictures of my own homestay but don't have a USB cord yet sooooo....they are coming. So thank you all for your comments (keep them coming) but I do also really really want people to write me long emails about what is going on in their life!

Rong Rian Tah Yaek

2007-01-24T21:27:00.000-08:00

I've received a couple comments about how excited people are to see pictures...yah, me too. I am saving up my Peace Corps money to buy one so they should be coming soon! I really want to show you all the wonderful world I get to live in right now. As a first time traveler, I just can't get enough of the culture and the different environment: 10 year old kids riding motorcycles through the city like it's their job, two adults and one baby packed onto one motorcycle, dead animals at every marketplace, dogs EVERYWHERE (when I say everywhere, I really mean everywhere. They hang out around the city parking lots, country roads, and even at the schools). All of these are things that I absolutely love simply because they are what makes up the culture here. One aspect of the culture that I am working on is the concept of community. I am in individualist - in personality and nationality. Almost every day on my bike ride home someone will come up and ride their bike or motorcycle next to me. Most of the time we will talk until I have exhausted my pasa Thai and then they head off. Some times a family member will ride next to me simply to give me company. The cong Thai are a very caring people and want to make sure I make it home safely but they also believe in community, in togetherness, and biking alone is an extremely undesirable thing in their eyes....I, however, like it. So, needless to say I felt urges of frustration with the fact that she was riding next to, occasionally looking over at me and smiling. I honestly just wanted to ride by myself. I realized to myself after I got home that my frustration is just plain sillyness. How could I be frustrated at someone who only means the best for me. And I mean the best. The first night PC119 got to Sakeo, some people stayed out after dark even though we were suggested not to. Our trainers recieved 13 phone calls that night because they weren't back before dark. They care about us. That brings me to my next point. I have realized truly what an important place I have here in Thailand. I knew coming in that I would do good for the people that I worked with and of course, as nothing is a altruistic act, I would do good for myself as well. But after meeting the governor of Sakeo, representatives from Ministry of Education, and hearing what our trainers have to say, I - we, PC119 - are doing fantastic things for the country. The government and the people really want us here and are genuinely excited that we are working FOR their country. It has been quite humbling for me to realize what I am doing here. Thailand has been under the system of Teacher Centered classrooms and desperately want to change to Student Centered Teaching (which is more what we have grown up with in the states, more or less). The problem that I am running into is how incredibly challenging it is going to be to make the switch. The children are already ingrained into this system and breaking someone of a hard pressed habit is pretty difficult. My language group consisting of two other people (Anton from the Phillipeans and Bekah from Florida) meets at the school 15 minutes from my house (which happens to be the same one at which I am going to be teaching). We were able to go into one of the classrooms and Anton and I decided to sing the Hokey Pokey (which was quite a hit with the kids in my neighborhood). They knew the english work for head but when it came to teaching left and right...oh boy. So we would point to our head, they would say head. We would point to our right arm, they would say nothing. We gave them a little time and then said "right arm". They repeated "right arm". Then we said "what is this" then they said "what is this". They are used to rote memorization, to believing that the teacher had all the answers, and to well, Teacher Centered Learning. It was tough. We did some dancing and movement to help them get the words but most likely, when we come back tomorrow, it will be gone from their minds. This was just a chance meeting. We were not expecting to walk into the classroom so if we did it the right way we would not have taught them left, right and arm in the same lesson. But as challenging as it is going to be, it is going to be amazing and I truly have a fantastic group of people behind me. Time for lunch! Write to me!!!!!!!

Thailand!

2007-01-21T22:24:00.001-08:00

I love you guys. I had a chance to get back online and thought I would write a quick little hello. It actually rained here today. We were not expecting rain AT ALL for another couple of months but it rained pretty hard for about half an hour and was an excellent reprieve....still very very hot though. We are having Thai night tonight which is going to be full of singing and dancing and food. We get to wear traditional Thai clothes (I am just wearing a pansee - sarang...well and a shirt too of course). I love Thailand.

Good Luck!

2007-01-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

So. I'm not sure if you would like to use this or not, or how much opportunity you will have to even use the internet while you are in Thailand... but I thought this might be easier than e-mailing everyone, and you can also post pictures, which I know I would love to see. I hope that this is useful to you, and that you have a wonderful experience.
-Amy

Here are a few pictures to get you started -